By Dr Kat Halloran, ND
Originally Published in The New Spirit Journal Newspaper
I knelt with my head in my hands. Tears dripped onto the masonry floor, each one a prayer for healing. I wasn’t sure what I thought would happen, but I was willing to beg at this point for something, anything, to take my heartache away. The dark excruciating pain I had felt coupled with a strange numbness I had never experienced before in my life and haven’t since. I made it to the little church tucked into the red rocks of Sedona just in time for sunset over the monolithic valley. I came for healing. I came for inspiration. I came because I needed some magic. And I found it.
Nine months prior, it was a rainy March day. I was bedside in a hospital in Kentucky, gently stroking my mother’s soft hand, counting the seconds between her breaths, wondering if it would be the last. When the last breath did come, nothing could have prepared me for the gasping cries. My beloved family and I crumpled in the face as if it were a surprise, even though we had watched her drifting toward the abyss for 14 hours. There’s something about that very last moment when you know your loved one will not breathe again. That was it. That was the end. And it was the beginning.
Grief can be a scary place, so scary I decided to travel almost all of December with the hope that I wouldn’t have to do the Christmas season. I had the excuse of going to a friend’s wedding at Mission San Diego. I spent three weeks meandering California, Baja Mexico and Arizona. I put 3,000 miles on a rental car driving 90 miles per hour down long straight stretches of desert highway listening mostly to Spanish radio stations and still this numb cloud in my heart remained.
Of all those places, somewhere deep in my soul, I knew Sedona would bring me solace. I began to feel contentment while lying river side at Oak Creek Canyon, the sun warmed and water carved rocks providing me with a chaise lounge from Mother Nature. And as the day drew to a close, I set off for the Cathedral of the Rock, it was calling my name. I was the last one there and had the place to myself. Reverently, I entered with expectation. It was magnificent. Predominating was a wall of windows overlooking the expansive valley below. Twilight and Indigo skies melted with orange fired clouds while the setting sun silhouetted the rock formations. There were votive candles lining both walls and I went over to them. I lit one for me and one for my mother. Turning towards the sun, I knelt. And I asked for Joy. That’s all I wanted, just a glimmer of Joy to please come back. It had been far too long. And I wept.
I don’t know how long I was there. It felt like hours. It was probably minutes. I rose from my knees, spent and ready for bed, and walked outside into the evening air. Near the entrance, was a fountain. It was a verdi gris weathered Jesus with his hands outstretched and cupped together. From his hands the water flowed. Inside his hands was a small rock with black marker writing on it. I picked it up and it read, “Dear God, Thanks for Everything, Love Teresa”. Simple Gratitude. I put it gently back in Jesus’ hands, softly smiled and sighed.
That trip was important in my healing journey. It was Divinely Guided. Precious feelings stored deep in the cells of my body. Stirring those memories elicits a magnetic connection to God, a good ache of love, gratitude and relief. I finally got that flicker of Ecstasy 3 months later one spring day. It was simple. I was driving with the sun roof open, singing a song. It was sunny and gorgeous and the billowy clouds were lined with gold. I glanced up to the azure sky and there it was ! A tickle in my heart. It lasted for a split second. Finally! I said, “Ooh, don’t go, come back”. I wanted it to last. I nurtured it and loved it into being.
I live as consciously as I currently know how these days. When I try to decide what lead me here, it has to be Trust and Faith in my gut feelings and internal guidance system. And now even more consciously in my angelic entourage. They don’t teach you that in medical school. This kind of learning comes from remembering that we are One with God, a part of the Quantum Hologram. My loving group of guides teach me Compassion, Grace, Faith, Trust, Gratitude and Love. When I pay attention, everything I need is here. Even when I didn’t know what paying attention was, they took care of me sin falta, without fail. Mostly now, I travel at the speed of consciousness and the process brings ecstasy to my soul. It is my gift in sharing these lessons, that you find your own glimmer and delve into your soul’s desires. And when you are exploding with gratitude, share your story as I have shared with you. We are all One. Our Collective job is to be fulfilled and bring a level of consciousness back to our Earth Mother that we have not felt in over 15,000 years.
You know it is happening, you feel the changes as I do. There is a tug of war between Dark and Light; within and without. With choices born of Love, the Light is winning.
© Dr Kathleen A Halloran, ND
Originally Published in The New Spirit Journal Newspaper
I knelt with my head in my hands. Tears dripped onto the masonry floor, each one a prayer for healing. I wasn’t sure what I thought would happen, but I was willing to beg at this point for something, anything, to take my heartache away. The dark excruciating pain I had felt coupled with a strange numbness I had never experienced before in my life and haven’t since. I made it to the little church tucked into the red rocks of Sedona just in time for sunset over the monolithic valley. I came for healing. I came for inspiration. I came because I needed some magic. And I found it.
Nine months prior, it was a rainy March day. I was bedside in a hospital in Kentucky, gently stroking my mother’s soft hand, counting the seconds between her breaths, wondering if it would be the last. When the last breath did come, nothing could have prepared me for the gasping cries. My beloved family and I crumpled in the face as if it were a surprise, even though we had watched her drifting toward the abyss for 14 hours. There’s something about that very last moment when you know your loved one will not breathe again. That was it. That was the end. And it was the beginning.
Grief can be a scary place, so scary I decided to travel almost all of December with the hope that I wouldn’t have to do the Christmas season. I had the excuse of going to a friend’s wedding at Mission San Diego. I spent three weeks meandering California, Baja Mexico and Arizona. I put 3,000 miles on a rental car driving 90 miles per hour down long straight stretches of desert highway listening mostly to Spanish radio stations and still this numb cloud in my heart remained.
Of all those places, somewhere deep in my soul, I knew Sedona would bring me solace. I began to feel contentment while lying river side at Oak Creek Canyon, the sun warmed and water carved rocks providing me with a chaise lounge from Mother Nature. And as the day drew to a close, I set off for the Cathedral of the Rock, it was calling my name. I was the last one there and had the place to myself. Reverently, I entered with expectation. It was magnificent. Predominating was a wall of windows overlooking the expansive valley below. Twilight and Indigo skies melted with orange fired clouds while the setting sun silhouetted the rock formations. There were votive candles lining both walls and I went over to them. I lit one for me and one for my mother. Turning towards the sun, I knelt. And I asked for Joy. That’s all I wanted, just a glimmer of Joy to please come back. It had been far too long. And I wept.
I don’t know how long I was there. It felt like hours. It was probably minutes. I rose from my knees, spent and ready for bed, and walked outside into the evening air. Near the entrance, was a fountain. It was a verdi gris weathered Jesus with his hands outstretched and cupped together. From his hands the water flowed. Inside his hands was a small rock with black marker writing on it. I picked it up and it read, “Dear God, Thanks for Everything, Love Teresa”. Simple Gratitude. I put it gently back in Jesus’ hands, softly smiled and sighed.
That trip was important in my healing journey. It was Divinely Guided. Precious feelings stored deep in the cells of my body. Stirring those memories elicits a magnetic connection to God, a good ache of love, gratitude and relief. I finally got that flicker of Ecstasy 3 months later one spring day. It was simple. I was driving with the sun roof open, singing a song. It was sunny and gorgeous and the billowy clouds were lined with gold. I glanced up to the azure sky and there it was ! A tickle in my heart. It lasted for a split second. Finally! I said, “Ooh, don’t go, come back”. I wanted it to last. I nurtured it and loved it into being.
I live as consciously as I currently know how these days. When I try to decide what lead me here, it has to be Trust and Faith in my gut feelings and internal guidance system. And now even more consciously in my angelic entourage. They don’t teach you that in medical school. This kind of learning comes from remembering that we are One with God, a part of the Quantum Hologram. My loving group of guides teach me Compassion, Grace, Faith, Trust, Gratitude and Love. When I pay attention, everything I need is here. Even when I didn’t know what paying attention was, they took care of me sin falta, without fail. Mostly now, I travel at the speed of consciousness and the process brings ecstasy to my soul. It is my gift in sharing these lessons, that you find your own glimmer and delve into your soul’s desires. And when you are exploding with gratitude, share your story as I have shared with you. We are all One. Our Collective job is to be fulfilled and bring a level of consciousness back to our Earth Mother that we have not felt in over 15,000 years.
You know it is happening, you feel the changes as I do. There is a tug of war between Dark and Light; within and without. With choices born of Love, the Light is winning.
© Dr Kathleen A Halloran, ND
Traveling at the Speed of Consiousness
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